That's a nice couch, isn't it? It's lovely. This is the couch in the waiting area at Stranded Tattoo in "The Heart Of historic Downtown Savannah." There's is a fine tattooing establishment where I received a tattoo of, in distressed typewriter font, my cat's name.
Yes. I love my cat. Shut up.
This is not a story about my tattoo or my cat. This is a story about the woman who came into the establishment while I was waiting to receive my new cat-name tattoo.
I have a semi-decent selection of tattoos. As such, I have been in quite a few tattoo parlor waiting rooms. I have heard exchanges similar to the one I am about to recount several times. So many times I can't believe it.
Woman walks in with her husband and asks to see the catalog. When the fellow at the desk didn't know what she was talking about she explained that she wanted to see the catalog of tattoos that could be done.
He asked her what she was looking for and explained that they didn't have any flash there, that it was all original art. She looked at him with a face that said, "You are talking but you're not saying words I understand."
He further explained that there were no stencils.
That didn't seem to make an impression on the woman, either.
She said, "Look. What can you put on me fast and cheap?"
Fast and cheap. Hey. That's great. Actually that would be a great tattoo, I think, one that said in nice lettering Fast and Cheap, but that's not what this woman wanted.
She just wanted something slapped on her. Quickly. For little money.
The dude behind the desk continued to flounder his way through the conversation until the owner called over to her and asked her if she had anything in mind.
Clearly, she didn't have anything in mind. She didn't have anything in her mind. He mind was empty. She was a big, stupid cow.
She said, "Oh. I don't know. Maybe my grandchildren's names...?"
...
"Okay," said the owner, "And those are...?"
"Oh." said the dumb cow, "Uh. MaryLouiseAnn, AnnMaryLouise, LouiseAnnMary, RebeccaAnnLinda and Epaphroditus."
"And you want that in a small tattoo?"
"Yes."
"That's not going to be a small tattoo."
"Oh."
"All those names and those are long names, that would be a big tattoo."
"Ok."
"What would you want with the names?"
"Nothing. Just the names."
"Just the names written down your arm or something?"
"Yes.
"You know that's going to look like a grocery list, right?"
"No. What?"
"If you just run a series of text down you arm... You need to have something with it or around it or something. Not just a list of names."
"Oh. Will that be fast and cheap?"
"No. Not really. Not really either of those things."
"Hmmm. Maybe just a flower then. Can I see the catalog?"
Please. If you're thinking about a tattoo, have some idea of something you want. At least an idea. If it doesn't come out well, at least it was your idea. Don't walk into a tattoo place looking to have something slapped on your for the hell of it.
It's a bad idea.
You dumb cow.
But if you're going to Georgia and you want a tattoo while you're there, I recommend these guys. Nice fellows. Nice storefront. Cool area. Good work. Clean. They were playing a little to death-y thrash-y metal for my taste, but that's the only downside I can think of.
Very cool guys.
http://www.strandedtattoo.info/
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